Failure is well… it sucks. Nobody wants to work their butt off practicing and then when the moment comes fall flat on their face. Practicing for an interview and then getting rejected, studying for a school exam and then getting a failing grade, trying to make new friends but coming off completely awkward. I have failed at all of these things and so much more. When a person has a disability, it is not uncommon for not just the person but the entire family to experience severe reaction to failure. My brother who has a mental disability had a really hard time dealing with school. He would feel bad when he couldn’t understand basic math or english. I felt like a failure when I was trying to teach him and he didn’t catch on. My mom and dad felt that they weren’t being the best parents. But that’s just it, failure is not a bad thing! I know this sounds totally crazy but failure is not a bad thing, actually it is a very key step in life. Failure happens to everyone from NBA players failing to make free throw shots, seasoned lawyers failing to win court cases. Everyone fails at many things throughout their lives. The trick in life is using failure to your advantage.
Permanent:
You see many times people take failure as a permanent state in life. If I ask someone out on a date then I get rejected or I screwed up a job interview or whatever. These all seem like that’s the end. In the moment it’s all or nothing. When you zoom out and really take a high level look at things this is not true. Does anyone really think “oh man if only I passed that 6th grade test I wouldn’t be living here in dumpster behind Tim Hortons”. Does anyone really think “oh man that girl one just rejected me and now I can never get married”. These statements are ridiculous because as time passes these mistakes, rejects and failures don’t matter. There is only one way to permanently fail. That is to stop trying.
Process:
No one and I mean no one starts off being good at anything. There is no baby that comes out walking, and talking perfectly. Success needs failure. Scratch that, success needs multiple failures. The thing is that in our society failure isn’t celebrated and only results. Failures are boring, tedious and takes a painful amounts of time. I find that by accepting that failure is guaranteed to happen, it takes a lot of the pressure off.
Strengths VS Weaknesses:
Many people (myself included) compare themselves to others. The problem with that is everyone is different. All that touchy feely stuff about everyone being a special snowflake is a cliche. But it is a cliche for a reason. I have a friend who was exceptional in mathematics but really struggled with english classes growing up. So what did he do? He played to his strengths he double down on math and pursued a career in mathematics. There were tons of people much better in language classes but he decided that would focus on his strengths and not worry as much about his weaknesses. For a lot of people with disabilities it can be tempting to say “Well, I have no strengths!”. Experience and perception matter. For example, if you struggle with mental disability you have compassion and insight into a condition that most people don’t even comprehend which are real assets in being a social worker. So find your strengths and make those your foundation.
Minimizing Risk:
Failure is a key part of success but unfortunately it does take up time and other resources. It is important for you structure how you will fail. I know it sounds weird but you need to plan your failure. Setup low stakes environments for you to fail. Let’s say you are preparing for an interview, practice in front of friends and family. You will make mistakes and stumble, but screwing up in front of them is a low cost failure, there is no job on the line.
Learning:
It is important to learn from the failure. Every failure has within it a wealth of information that could be key in making the next attempt a success. Sometimes it is obvious what you did wrong but it is also a good idea to get feedback from others. Let’s revisit the interview example again. It is good to ask yourself what areas you know went wrong such as were there questions you weren’t prepared for, or did you ramble in your explanations. You can also get feedback from the interviewer. You can ask questions such as what was your impression of me, did you feel that I explained properly why I was qualified for the job and etc.