Over the past 2 posts we have talked about why goals are important and how to set good goals. Now time for the hard part, how to achieve them. To be honest I am terrible with goal maintenance. I have failed time and time again. I have failed in so many different ways. As someone trying to be a good caregiver/care planner for my brother. Failing in that responsibility make me feel like a terrible person. I can only imagine on the side of people who have a physical/mental it must feel similar, if not worse. Creating lofty goals and then falling short. It sucks. My coping mechanism has been sticking my head in the sand (Ostrich style). I don’t claim to be an expert in achieving my goals so I hope you all can learn from my mistakes.
#1 Setting Habits:
Rome was not built in a day, but for a really long time I have always tried to finish my goals in the quickest way possible. I would put a huge amount of effort up front, then hit a brick wall and just stop. All this approach leads to is suffering for a bit and then not getting any results. Instead try creating habits that align with your goals. Best chances for starting a good habit requires 3 things. Making them obvious, carving out time and simple first step.
Making goals obvious mean having a trigger to remind you of your habit. Let’s use the example of going to the gym. What are examples of trigger? They can be reminders: apps on phones, dates on a calendar, getting a friend to call you. They can be visual: leaving notes around the home or leaving a gym bag by the door. The only requirement of a trigger is they need to be obvious to you and tell you what needs to be done.
Great now you have your trigger. But if your trigger tells you to go to the gym at 10am, but you work from 8am-5pm. Well, all you have done is remind yourself that you are not going to the gym and made yourself feel worse. You need to pick a time where you are free. It is not only important to pick a time you are free but also protect that time from others.
Finally make the first step small. Picture this, you are at home and your reminder goes off. It’s gym time. You got the time but you are sitting on your couch and it’s snowing outside. Honestly, it is so hard to muster the willpower to leave in that scenario. Now think my goal is to just get changed and stand in front of my door. Changing your clothes takes 10 minutes max. It takes no will power at all. So now you are standing at your door all changed and ready to go. The amount of will power to go to the gym is so much lower. It might actually feel like more of a hassle to change and go back to your couch. Start small, but once the ball is rolling you would be surprised how hard it is to stop.
#2 Bouncing Back:
If there is one thing that is guaranteed to happen it is we all slip up. It just means you are human. You will miss one day or get delayed. It might be the result of what you did or something that is totally outside of your control, but slip ups will happen. Now how do you make sure you get back on the horse. I have started a 3 strike policy and it goes like this. Strike 1 is forgiveness/warning. Life happens you should forgive yourself. Shake it off and know next time you need to come through. Strike 2 – you fail a 2nd time in a row. Now this is a pattern. Time to look at what happen. Understand what went wrong and how to eliminate the causes. Strike 3 – you fail 3 times in a row. Now all hands on deck. This task becomes priority #1. You find the first available time to take action, no waiting to be back on schedule, no excuses. Say no to all other commitments until this gets done. If it doesn’t get done consequences need to happen. Make sure those consequences are tough on only you and make sure that they automatic or that you can’t weasel your way out of them.
#3 Replenishing Motivation
The last and final part is replenishing motivation levels. This requires that you look in 2 directions. The first is looking back at how far you have come and the second is looking to the future to remind yourself why you are doing this at all. Big goals take a long time. They are not a sprint, they are a marathon. If all you do is look at how far you need to go, it will be so disheartening. But looking at how far you have come can help to motivate you going forward. For me right now, my brother is not able to live independently. But knowing I started up his RDSP, got him a social worker, he is on the waitlist for government housing. I know I have done things, the ball is rolling. It means my work is not wasted and if I continue to push I know he will get closer to being able to live independently.
Looking forward is also equally important. Periodically evaluating your goals makes sure that you don’t continue working towards goals that no longer matter. No one has all the information from the start. As you learn and grow, what you need or want will also change. It is important to reaffirm the why behind your goals. If you don’t know your why, then stop. Your time is too valuable to waste. I don’t care who you are, or where you come from. YOUR TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE! Never forget that.