Being a caregiver for someone with a disability or having a disability can be really difficult both mentally and physically. Growing up I didn’t handled the situation very well. Even now I don’t get get it right 100% of the time. Back then I felt hopeless, angry and just wanted to run away from the situation. It just sucked. Below are just a few ways I found that can help deal to the negative emotions.
Acceptance:
Finding away to accept the situation is much easier said than done. That took a really long time for me to get my head around the fact that there is no shame in having a disability. You are not your disability. Having a disability does not make you less of a person. Being honest with yourself and admitting there are somethings that you can’t do, is okay. Everyone needs help, just because your type of help is different than someone else’s does not mean you should look down on yourself.
Also a little self love can go a long way. If you aren’t sure how to practice self love here is a small trick I like to do. Think of the person you love the most and then pretend they are going through the same situation as you. How would you talk to them, treat them or comfort them. Then treat yourself the same way. You would never talk down to your loved ones or make them feel shame instead you would support them and stand by them.
Reframing Success:
For individuals born with a disability or for caregivers of that person it is really easy to start comparing yourself to others. When I was in highschool I kept comparing my family life to my friends. They didn’t have the difficulties I had to go through. It wasn’t fair. Why did I have to keep hand holding my brother with his homework everyday even though I was a grade younger than him. Looking back on it, I wasted so much energy on that negativity. What I should have been focusing on was how my brother was growing. When he learn to tie his shoes by himself or learned how to walk home from school by himself. It didn’t matter that he hit those milestones later in life what mattered is that he was still growing and improving.
Connection:
When I grew up I was afraid what people thought of my brother and I did not talk about my brother’s disability at all with friends. It was weird since there was no hiding it, once you met my brother you knew there was something different. All my friends knew about it but I made sure never to talk about it with anyone. I tried to hide him away from all but my closest friends and family. Absolutely do not do this! This is one of the worst mistakes that I ever did. Once I got over this road block and started speaking to people about my brother and information/help started pouring in. The first time I forced myself to talk to someone outside of my immediate family I chose a bank teller. I just figured that if it went terribly i would never go back to that branch. However that conversation is what led to me learning about RDSP which is a great way to save for your retirement if your have a disability. You never know where help will come unless you open yourself up to it. There are some many ways to connect. Jumping on social media, going out to public events hosted by groups (such as Learning Disabilities Association of Toronto District), reaching out to other families. Even just slipping it into during regular conversations. In 2015 the Ontario Human Rights Commission published a survey stating that approximately 15% of all Ontarians above the age of 15 have some type of disability. That means no matter who you speak with odds are that they either have a disability or know some that does.
Taking a Break:
Remember to give yourself a break. Just having a disability is no excuse for not scheduling some fun. Life is tough enough without you not giving yourself a break. The point of life is not to hate every minute of it. When it’s time to work, give it your all and when it’s time to take a break, give that your all too. For caregivers of a person with a disability it’s okay to take a break as well. You are not a bad person if you want to take time off from being a caregiver. If you work 24/7 eventually you will drop dead and then you are no good for any one. Be honest with yourself if there are somethings you can’t or don’t want to do, ask for help. If you want to take a vacation look into respite care; if you need at home assistance there are services where someone can come to your home; If you getting to old take care of your adult child with disability look into supportive housing options. You have options to craft the life that works best for you and your loved ones.