Welcome back fellow challengers. Today’s post is going to focus on parent of children with disabilities. I will be the first to admit I don’t have kids of any sorts, but growing up with my brother I saw the ways my mom and dad dealt with the situation. There were times they rose to the challenge like heros and times where they drop the ball. Here are things that I found out when talk with them and other parents in similar situations.
Acceptance:
Accepting your child has a disability and does not behave or act the same way as most children of his age is hard. Actually scratch that it can be damn near impossible. There are some kids where calculus is just not an option. Even accepting the rate of learning can be extremely stressful on parents. When me and my brother learning to tell time I picked it up much faster that he did. It was really hard for my parent to keep their patient when he wasn’t getting it and I had already moved on to the next lesson. The truth is that is ok, that is normal.
Becoming an Expert:
I know it is odd to say, how can I dad/mom with standard desk job be an expert on a learning disability, schizophrenia, blindness, cerebral palsy or any other number of disabilities. You won’t be that expert, but you can be the expert of how those disabilities affect your children. Now don’t get me wrong do your research on your disability that is affecting your child. Speak with doctors, teacher and organizations specializing in children with disabilities. But also take your own note, watch your child and really pay attention to what they are doing and how they interact with the world. Simple things like they are having a tantrum how long does it last, what was the cause, how did they deal with it? Over time you will learn so much from them that you will naturally become an expert, but you have to put the time in and really pay attention.
Setting Goals:
This is probably the toughest part and will have to be re-visited over and over again. Try and pick realist goals for your child. Look to schools, doctors and organization that specializing in you child’s disability to help you create these goals. Also make sure to set regular check-in to decide if this goal still makes sense. It is total fine it you make a goal one year and abandon it next year because things change. It may seem harsh but sometimes trying to achieve academic success may not be as important as learning life skills. Learning calculus may not be as important as learning meal prep or figure out how to use public transit system.
Execution:
Consistence
As with most things in life doing small things everyday will lead to big results in the future. Remember to celebrate effort vs the results. You can’t guarantee that your child will succeed no matter how hard they work. But that hard work has inherent value. Everyone runs into slumps and tough times but the one who succeed as the one with consistent effort.
Handling Stress:
This is with regards to both the parents and the kids. This can be broken down into 3 parts: Communication, Awareness and Reliving. Lots of kids regardless of if they have disabilities or not do not know how to communicate how they are feeling. Heck there are time I can’t do it and I’m a fully functioning adult. Explaining to kids what are possible options they can be feeling. Explain what the difference between stress, fear, inadequacy, etc. can give kids a way to express themselves.
This leads into awareness. At the beginning it’s going to be hard for kids and you to notice the stress. When you notice it, take a minute to acknowledge it and define what they are feeling. Try to figure out what caused it. Sometime your own stress may reflected in your child. It is also a good idea to talk about it after things have calmed down. Sometimes in the moment they is just not enough clarity to really figure out what going on. After a while both you and your child will start being aware of stress both in yourselves and others.
Now that you both are aware of the stress the next step is relieving it. There are any number of ways to deal with stress. It could be a 5 minute break, it could be telling a joke, colouring, or taking a walk. Try different ways until you find something that works for you and your child.
Now a lot of these item we have discussed also work for adults with disabilities as well. So now I challenge you setup your own goals and strive to achieve them. Please post in the comments your goals, struggles and achievements.